5 Common Parenting Mistakes We Should Avoid
Common Parenting Mistakes. No one is perfect. Though I am writing this and telling you all to avoid these mistakes. Even I was doing some of them while raising my child. But I realized it little early so thought of sharing this with all my friends who are sailing in same boat. The other day we all friends who are parents were discussing studies, kids, family, school life and all. During the discussion when it came to everyone’s favorite topic kids and how their kids are best than others. How their choice of school and the way they are upbringing is better etc. in this whole discussion I realized how Hippocrates we are, when we were in school or colleges we never liked when our parents use to compare us with friends in academics and in other fields, we never liked when our moms use to spy us when we use to talk to boys. But now we are doing the same. Have we realised that? Let’s see.
Common Parenting Mistakes
This is one of the favourite mistakes of all parents and the funny part is they don’t realise it at all. Since the child is born first u compare is height, weight and other habits with other kids who are of same age. Later you compare them in studies and other activities. When they grew up you compare with how successful other kids are. Do you even realise whole of his life he always tries to achieve your expectations? Some kids get frustrated and that leads to depression. Do not compare your child to anyone. Find out what is he good at? Encourage him in doing that. You might be dreamed about your kids to become doctor or engineer but you never know he might be a good writer or teacher or an actor. Help him to find out what is he good at. That will also help to improve himself in studies. A comparison will either make him shy or rebellious. And we don’t want any of it right!!
Common Parenting Mistakes #2
This is one of the special mistakes of parents. Sometimes we think that it’s for the betterment of our kids. But sometimes we just cross limits. We think shouting at them/hitting them or giving them punishments like don’t watch TV, not sending them out to play with friends will realise them their mistakes. But you are wrong here. It’s better if we sit and discuss what mistake they did and why they shouldn’t repeat it. Also, we should really see if whatever they have done can be considered as a mistake? Sometimes we just take our frustration on kids and that is very bad. All these things made your kids think that “his parents do not understand him”. Don’t be a dictator or doormat. If you keep on punishing or dictating them for their behaviour you will end up nowhere. Let’s take one example. One day I went to a birthday party with my 4 years old daughter. All kids were playing, dancing enjoying the party. Even we parents started chit chatting for a while and suddenly we heard screaming and crying. We all rush there. I saw 2 kids were fighting over one Toy. Both mothers rush towards respective kids. One mother was asking what happened and other mother didn’t even ask what happened and started shouting at her kid. She assumed its his mistake. She was blaming him for whatever happened but later it turns out that it’s the mistake of other kid. But because of shouting and embarrassment kid got hyper and out of control. We should really think before we act. Kids are like dough it’s in your hand to give them a nice shape.
Common Parenting Mistakes #3
I would like to share a real conversation with one of my friend. Both parents are educated, a mother is a housewife. One day she told me that she wanted to work after baby but then she was worried about who will take care of a kid like family? I suggested her the same Creche where my baby goes. While I was telling her about the Creche she was giving me an accusing glare?? I got confused. Then she told me few of her assumptions about Creche.
- They shout at kids for discipline. (as if we don’t shout at all)
- Same food served every day. ( I mean for real? Doodles-where my baby goes. They have full week schedule where they have all type of fresh food served.)
- No hygiene.( really? I guess she should really visit some of the Creches)
- My kid might learn some bad things from other kids. (I was speechless really)
I really laughed after she said all this. There are black sheep in every industry. But you should choose wisely. I mean I know it’s difficult to keep your child away from you and go to an office. But if someone trustworthy is taking care of him/her. You can work without stress. In all my articles I keep on saying that we should plan these things well in advance. (check article:- Planning a baby?)
I have seen parents take kids in the garden but don’t allow them to play with mud. Don’t allow them to mingle with other kids so that they won’t get any infections. This is not advisable at all. This will make kid introvert and lonely. He will never learn to mingle with other kids.
Once in a birthday party kids were playing a game and as we all know there was only one winner in the game. Everyone clapped for a winner but the one who lost couldn’t take it sportingly and started throwing tantrum. Why we cannot make our kids that in reality you may lose and there is no big deal about it. I saw parents went to host and made him announced his name as a winner. Are we making our kids weak?
We should protect our kids. But there should be a limit. Because he may get cold if you keep on hiding ice cream from him. You are really spoiling his childhood. We should always give healthy stuff to kids but its ok to give them whatever they want once in a while.
It’s better to make your kid tough and strong rather than being a shield all the time because he has to fight the world on his own.
Common Parenting Mistakes #4
This one is one of my favourite mistakes. We all do it. Some of the other time. We always like to bribe our kids. “If you get good marks I will give you play station. If you won the match I will give you whatever you want.” Do we really have to put price tags on everything? Why can’t we just make them realise winning or getting good marks itself is an enjoyment. And trust me if they are really meant for that they will win. You don’t have to bribe them. If they are not meant for that then you should help them to find out what they really want to do in their life. Forcing them to get good marks or won the game etc will not make them happy. They will try hard to get that because you bribe them but it will not be constant. And when they lose they will be depressed. What if one day they will ask you something in return of doing some favour? We don’t even want to imagine that right?
Help them to understand achieving something we want itself is worth winning trophy Prize and we have to work hard to achieve what we want. Don’t bribe them to do things which you want them to do. Help them to feel the enjoyment in doing whatever they are doing.
Common Parenting Mistakes #5
We don’t know when our kids grew up. Whenever they give any opinion sometimes we ignore them thinking they are immature or young. But we shouldn’t do it. Even if they are young we should respect their opinion. Once I was buying some groceries in Supermarket with my daughter. When I was in toiletries section I got my usual soap and toothpaste. My daughter stopped me from buying our usual toothpaste. And showed me something else. I got confused and asked her why she wants to buy this toothpaste? She said she saw this toothpaste in doctor uncle’s clinic so we should buy what doctor uncle says. I smiled and bought it. See it’s that easy. Without asking a reason if we start disrespecting them or ignoring their opinion then they will soon follow us.
Age doesn’t matter we might think that they don’t know but nowadays kids are explored to many things so they might know few things. I have always seen parents shout at kids when they take mobile phones and say you will break it. But once you should show them how to handle and how important it is. They will also handle it carefully. Whenever you are doing any family discussion of buying something new ask them their view. Let them justify why they want a particular thing. It will help them to bond with family.
To all lovely parents. Its ok to make mistakes but it’s better if we realise and correct them soon. I know everyone must have been confused as in what to and what not to. Follow your heart and you will get an answer. Think like a child. Thinks what you would want your parents to da particular situation. And bingo! You will get an answer. Do not follow anyone not even your parents. As every child is different. Go as per his needs and make your kid stronger and smart. Again this all has nothing to do with a studies. Try to make your kid a good human being and that should be our goal.
“There will be so many times you feel like you have failed but in eyes, heart and mind of your child you are Super mom or Super dad.” – Stephanie Precourt